Paradise Lost: The Lost Chapter
by Audrey Wayment
Summary: I am called Beelzebub. I am not a mere mortal who is weak and fragile, rather I was forged from an ethereal substance that grants me immortality. The very sound of my name strikes fear in the hearts of those who are weak and fragile, for I am the most trusted advisor of the devil himself. This is the story of how I achieved such a noble position among the demons of hell.


Chapter 12: The Decision

"You are the key of the revolution's success." He whispered in my ear with a tantalizing voice, "Without you, the revolution is nothing." Every word that rolled off his devilish tongue was delivered with an artful allure that enticed me and rendered me weak to his persuasion." I need you to reject all those things that are entwined with God so that you may fully give yourself over to this glorious cause and ultimately to me. In return for your allegiance to this cause of eternal justice and exaltation of me, then you shall reign as my most trusted advisor, ranked among the highest hosts of Heaven. Why should you, a physiologically superior, immensely gifted, and valiant ethereal being, acquiesce to a decrepit, impotent ruler that disregards the great value and talent that you possess? I shall aggrandize you in the kingdom of Heaven. Liberate yourself and let your pride and entitlement to a better situation fuel your motivation. Release your hatred and let it flow freely and pulse through every artery, vein and capillary so that you may find the strength to endure this war. Join me Beelzebub, and I shall make you a God". He left me with my thoughts and broken heart to ponder the decision I must make.

He is right. I deserve more than this pitiful eternity that I have been burdened to bear. Since the beginning of my existence here, God has chosen Lucifer. All of my accomplishments were carried out with the thought of pleasing God, and yet he was always captive by the endeavor of adorning Lucifer with his love and tender affection. All of my doings were in vain. All of my feats were performed with the sole purpose of glorifying God and proving to him that I was worthy of his love, a hopeless dream that will never be fulfilled. I know that he loves me the same as all of his children, but that is not enough. I am not his chosen one. I am not the one he favors, and never in the grand scheme of eternity will I hold this preeminent title. No, I shall never be anything but another angel among the ceaseless number of heavenly hosts. In God's war, I am disposable. I am unimportant. Hope lies in Lucifer. He can give me what I desire above all things. He can free me, so that I may transcend above my lowly position in the realm of God. But what am I sacrificing?

There she is. The one who sets my universe on fire with only a glimpse at her perfection, the one who holds my might, mind and soul captive by her mere existence, the one whom I would travel to the ends of the Nirvana if only I could for a moment caress the delicate flesh of her precious cheek, Ardita. For years my passion for her has grown from a carnal and lustful infatuation into a love that is imbedded so deep within my heart that it seems impossible that any force could diminish it. Ardita is the quintessence of selflessness, beauty, intelligence, virtue… and a diligent servant of God. Her words shall decide my fate.

"Ardita, I must reveal to you the innermost secret of my heart which I can no longer bury beneath this immortal façade. You are my light, my love. The love I have kindled for you as exceeded the capacity of the adoration I thought myself capable of harboring. When I lay eyes upon the perfect shell that encapsulates the sublime soul which you possess, I cannot restrain the utter adoration and yarning that consumes my being. You alone hold the key that will determine my eternal salvation or damnation."

"Oh Beelzebub, my love for you burns deep within the confines of my soul, but the love which I have for you is not the same. My love for you is that of my brother who descends from the same flesh as I. My faith, adulation, and vitality are vested in Heavenly Father, which is a fact that will remain unwavering in the test of time and all eternity. You are my Brother, and I shall never leave your side as long as your desires and intentions are righteous and in alignment with the will of God."

Her words were a fatal dagger to my heart that released the poison of the reality of my situation. It would have been more merciful of her to decapitate and incinerate me, for the pain that her innocent truth brought upon me was far greater than any physical pain could bring unto me. I loved her, yet she was not obligated nor did she feel the same love for me. I know that I shall never have her to call my own, for she belongs to God. Once again, I am not enough. If I can never have the one thing that can bring me true jubilance, then why should I remain submissive to the one who possesses her love? But, if I choose to join Lucifer in his endeavor to defeat the Almighty, I will destroy the being that my one love matchlessly devotes herself to. How could I be the one who brings down the being that she loves above all beings? Alas, is it not God who is the captor of Ardita's adoration? Is not God to blame for inhibiting me from being allowed to love my precious Ardita? How can I subject myself to Him, the most high, who is the ultimate detriment to my physical, mental and emotional well-being? God is the bane of my existence.

How could I allow myself to entertain such an acidic thought? I am the most ungrateful child and I am absolutely unworthy of the presence of God. He gave me life, he has given me a place in which I may abide deloused from the fear of harm, he has given me the agency to think and choose for myself and yet I have chosen, with that free agency, to hate God because he does not favor me above all of his Heavenly creations. What a disgrace I have been unto his Holy and Sacred name.

But how can I return to Him? How can I stare in the face of God with a conscience stained with the blood of pride and hatred of such a merciful and omnipotent being? How can I let go of that hatred and pride and anger I so vehemently cultivated in the cavity of my chest. I am beyond reproach. Repentance cannot save me, for I am past the point of no return. I can never come before God knowing of the utter abhorrence I have railed against Him. If I remain acquiescent to Him, my soul shall be incinerated forever by my infinite guilt. I shall reap the rewards of the evil I have sown. Repentance cannot heal the wound forced by my own hand that shall continue to fester for all eternity. I am the source of my own anguish and despair. I have my answer.

The consequences of my commitment to Lucifer are unfathomable. God is everything. God is perfection, and for that I hate him. It shall remain my eternal endeavor to end the reign of the King of Kings. As the years progress my guilt shall grow into the unprecedented power of hatred. I will use this as my drive to bring God to the knees of Lucifer.

"I, Beelzebub, pledge my allegiance to the true Almighty, Lucifer. I enshrine every atom of my being to the cause of the destruction of God. No task shall stand in the way of me as I embark on this noble task. I vow that my venomous hatred for God shall remain a burning flame as long as I exist."

My vow was finished. With a prick of my finger, I signed my soul over to Lucifer.

Beelzebub


End file.
